I have 44 years
My mom and I went paddle boarding a few days ago on a lake about 20 minutes from her house. When we had paddled almost to the middle of the lake, we laid down on our boards, our feet dangling into the cool and clear water, a welcome respite from the warm sun, and she said, “What if I can’t do this in 20 years?”
My mom is 71 years old and the youngest 71-year-old I know. She is an active kayaker, paddleboarder, biker, walker, Piyo-er. She still goes to the gym and participates in the tough HIIT class workouts and works as a nurse, long hours, and late shifts. She has no desire or reason to slow down.
But time moves forward no matter what.
“The last 20 years went by quickly,” she said. “Too quickly.”
She's right. The days are long but the years are short.
Today is my birthday, and just like when my kids have birthdays, and I feel older, I know my mom feels my birthday, too. In the English language, we say we are, our age. I am 44. My mom is 71. But what if we started thinking about our ages like the romance languages do? Instead of being an age, they say that they have an age. Maybe they know how fleeting time is and that being an age is not permanent, but we can own it for a little while until it changes.
Because the reality of life is that it’s always changing.
I have 44 years today. I have four decades of gratitude and love. I have 44 years filled with lots of mistakes and so many more moments of success. I feel so much more ownership of my life when I say I have those years instead of saying I am those years.
I carry those years with me in every part of my body – my hands that hold my husbands’ hands right before we fall asleep, my fingers that type the words into stories for others, my strong arms and legs that carried my babies before they could walk, my eyes that need a little bit more help to see the beautiful sunsets that quietly remind us that the day is over and time still moves on, each gray hair that I see more and more of every day no matter how many times I pluck them from my head. I carry those years with me by the people I surround myself with. My husband, my kids, my best friend, my sister, my brother, my mom and my dad even though he isn’t here anymore. The list goes on. Each one of the people we choose to love, has a part of us, too.
I’m in NY for my birthday this year, but my husband and kids were the first phone call I received this morning. It was the perfect wake up call. They sang me happy birthday and my 13-year-old offered this piece of wisdom.
“Just think mom, you have done 11 years, four times.”
I have done 11 years. Four times. What a beautiful gift to have.
August 2022